Wait. Your Name is What?

If you are stopping by from Holly Land, hi! You are in for a treat today. And if you come here everyday, thanks for always doing that - y'all are the best!
I'm not quite sure why I missed sharing these awfully funny online dating photos with you for past two weeks, but I have and for that I'm sorry.
Today, I'm throwing all of my own rules out of the window and I'm going to focus on some of the usernames I've come across. Now I'm not going to share what site they are from, but if you just have to date any of these losers guys then shoot me a quick email and I'll help a girl out.
Let's begin with a submission from the lovely blogless Meg. Yes no blog, but she does have a Twitter and she is friends with Stephanie. And ladies, he's in education.

And unfortunately, all the rest are from yours truly.

I guess since I looked at TGIFyay's profile that meant I wanted to date him right? I received this message yesterday afternoon....

Excuse me? BUT NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT.

#stage5clinger

I should also share that I was viewed by two guys with the usernames "Billions" and "Swartzenegger" However, neither of them had pictures. Ok and I'm Miss America.
Moral of the story: If you are taken, engaged, or married COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS

Bling It On! With Hpnotiq: Submit Your Glammest Nails Now For A Chance To Win

This post is sponsored by Hpnotiq, but all thoughts and opinions are my own.

Remember that one contest a few weeks ago that had to deal with all things shoes? Well you are in for another treat because Hpnotiq and Glam Louder are back with yet another contest! And this time it involves something even nearer and dearer to my heart than a good pair of stilettos. Yep you guessed it - NAILS. If you know me at all, you know I am hands down a-d-d-i-c-t-e-d to nail polish. I've even perfected giving myself a mani since I like to change the color so often and well that would just be expensive!

Love glam things? From now until July 28^th 2013, Hpnotiq wants you to show them how you GLAM LOUDER to win fab prizes! During each 2-week challenge you can submit photos in different categories to win - including the glammest nails, makeup and overall look. Entries can be pictures you snap yourself or images you find online. 

I love a good manicure or pedicure, heck I'll take both! I finally decided to bite the bullet and try the accent nail and I am in LOVE. Sure I had to explain why one nail was gold to my dad and every other man on the planet, my girls got it and that's all that matters.

Ready to Bling It On!? Here are the glamorous prizes that are up for grabs: One year of manis/pedis worth up to $1,200, a $1,000 gift card to Sephora or Ulta, AND a chance to win the grand prize trip for you and three friends to go shopping with a celebrity in Los Angeles! Even better - the grand prize winner will star in a professional photo shoot for the chance to be in a real Hpnotiq Ad!

Want to enter? Hpnotiq’s Glammest Nails Challenge is going on RIGHT NOW - but hurry – the entry period for the glammest nails ends at 11:59:59 a.m. EST on June 30^th! For this challenge Hpnotiq wants you to show them the glammest nails, nail art or nail finish that you’ve ever seen or done. Think you can nail it? You can enter as many times as you want! Snap a pic of your own, or find a pic online.  For this round, they’re choosing 4 lucky winners to receive free mani/pedis for a year valued up to $1,200!!! 

What are you waiting for? To enter go here, or visit Hpnotiq’s Facebook page OR follow @Hpnotiq on twitter and tweet them your picture using the hashtag #GLAMLOUDER.

For a list of full contest rules, go here

Inappropriateness at It's Finest

So funny story.  Well I guess it's only funny depending on who you ask, because I don't think it's funny at all.
I got home from work last night, which also included from my parents because I decided to spend an extra night. So after I carried 5 bags upstairs and got inside, I decide to preheat my oven for some Pizza Rolls and catch up on blog reading. THIS is what I got when I opened my newly (as of February) purchased laptop...

And if you think this is funny, we are no longer friends.

After a quick freak out, I grabbed my laptop and drove to the nearest Best Buy, with my receipt - and I NEVER keep my receipts. I talk to the rather cute Geek Squad guy, in a nerdy way of course and in a few short minutes he is shipping my laptop off to HP to be fixed - FOR FREE. Moral of the story: always by the accidental insurance AND keep your receipt.

This wasn't the point of today's post, because lets be honest, no one really cares that much about my laptop troubles. However, something I've learned in my 25 years of life, is that bad things are ALWAYS gonna happen at once. My laptop, getting my vehicle tax bill and my highest electric bill all happened yesterday. Let's just hope that's it for awhile. I'm here to tell you though, all you can really do is laugh and drink wine, but since it's only 9AM, you get to laugh today.

I'm bringing you round two (round one) of my favorite funnies, enjoy!

No truer words have ever been spoken. 

Right? Cause when is the last time you saw a man pick up instructions? How about a quarter to NEVER.

ARGHHHHH #onceapiratealwaysapirate

Remember the van with 8 stick figures and no husband?

Let's just be honest. I do not run. EVER.

Men. Geez.

FREAKING Amen. 

#storyofmylife

Quick short story. I was FaceTiming with Brin Saturday night. I had actually gotten ready that day and had yet to take of my bra and put on comfy clothes. Her husband goes "Why are you so dressed up?" Either I looked exceptionally nice or I normally look like shit....

It's not my weight, I'm just short....

Who else misses Top 8's? Cause I sure do...

I can't wait to be a mom one day. But that day ain't today, tomorrow, or the next day. And it probably isn't even next month or year. #sorrynotsorry

#freeadvicetuesday Always spend the extra time on you.

Who else? Anyone?

Quite possibly my favorite. #momjokes

And there you have it, your dose of inappropriateness on this lovely Tuesday.

Father's Day Weekend

Good morning pretties!
As most of you, I spent the weekend hanging out with my favorite guy - my dad! While we didn't do much of anything, it was nice to just relax and spend some time with him. And my mom of course. You know they are kind of a package deal :)

1. My parents trip to Niagara Falls for their 30th anniversary. My mom said there were photo ops like this all over!
2. Queso. The end.
3. My adorable parents, in their matching red shirts. 
4. Sonic happy hour on Saturday after a Pampered Chef party (that I got no pictures of)
5. Mom and I. Of course, I'd be the daughter to NOT get a picture with my dad on Father's Day.
6. My new life motto :)
And just to show the Father's Day love...

Hope you all had a wonderful weekend celebrating the dad's in your life!
Linking up with a pretty muffin

Errbody in the Club Gettin Tipsy

I had to pick my parents up from the airport last night at midnight. This probably isn't the kind of post that should follow that "I'm an old grandma" statement, but who cares.  It's Friday and it led me to my #backthatazzup tune below. #winning

So change of plans. I reallllly started writing this post Thursday afternoon when I should have been working. My plans were to make myself some tasty pizza rolls & chocolate chip cookies all while I relaxed and waited to pick up my parents. Mother Nature, the power company & Delta Airlines had different plans. Its now almost midnight, my parents are somewhere between Buffalo, NY and ATL and I'm either gonna be driving to the airport super early to get them, or I'll get out of work tomorrow to pick them up. Oh and my power is back.. FINALLY - after about 5 hours.

Oh and the storm. NOTHING. Funny how that works right?

First and foremost I haven't done one of these since I was nominated for ol' Lieb a bajillion years ago, but when you are nominated by your IRL BFF, it's kind of a requirement. Just like it was a requirement for her to nominate me. Wait. What?. I'm a bit of a rebel, so I'm not gonna follow all the rules, but I'll answer the questions. You're welcome.

1. Acknowledge who nominated you. Check!

2. Answer the 10 questions below. Check!

3. Nominate 10 bloggers you think are excellent drinkers

4. Do not change the questions. Check!

5. Don't nominate the blog that nominated you. That's it.

Questions:

What is your favorite drinking game and why? 

Is it bad that I couldn't remember the name and had to turn to the Goog? So apparently it's called King's Cup and Waterfall and Circle of Death. You know "Seven Heaven" "Two You" and so on...

It is your birthday, what is your idea of the perfect evening?

Is this even a real question? I'm youngish and single. WE DRINK!

Money is no object, what is your go to drink of choice at a bar?

Well there for awhile money was no object to Kelley and I, or so we thought. I'm a Blue Motorcycle all day, erry day.

Take this alcohol screening quiz here, what score did you receive?

6 items out of 20 

Your score is 30%. According to the Office of Health Care Programs, Johns Hopkins University Hospital, developers of this screening quiz, if you answered 3 of these questions with a Yes it is a definite sign that your drinking patterns are harmful and possibly considered alcohol dependent or alcoholic. You may want to seek an evaluation by a healthcare professional.

What is your favorite memory with alcohol?

We're supposed to remember stuff while drinking? Well I didn't know that was going to be on the test....

What is your favorite song about drinking? Or song to drink to?

Hands down. Wagon Wheel. 

What is your favorite activity to do while drinking (i.e. boating, bowling, golf, trivia, etc.)

I'd prefer to be at a hole in the wall bar or at the pool. Low key is the way to go.

In your opinion, which is the number one party school in the country and why?

East Carolina University and yes. My parents paid tuition there for a solid year. But I drank. and quit going to class. and well you get the picture.

When do you know you have had too much to drink? What are your signals? 

I can't feel my teeth or lips. I'm pretty sure that's not a good thing.

And now for some #backthatazzup tunes with my favorite princess 

Happy Drinking